Restoring the Disconnected Mother

This is a story that I do not share often. I have seldom reflected on and given voice to the family trauma, especially my mother's past and her drinking choices. Lately, it weaves through me, wanting to be told as I reflect deeper into this Mother archetype that I have held and how I myself struggle with disconnection. This sharing is intended to bring light to how easy it is to validate the loss of power and the many ways we disconnect, out of necessity or choice. When we can see clearly where we have come from and how to reclaim our full essence of who we are, we heal, our ancestors become free, and we change the world with our embodied choices.

Here we go. I hope you join me in holding hands as we step into a line next to each other and refill ourselves with our power.

I sense a profound disconnection within me, a trait passed down through generations starting with my mother. It seems to have roots deep in our Hungarian-German lineage, where detachment and strength were exemplified, often at the cost of happiness, which was viewed as a weakness. In our ancestry of farmers and survivors, emotions and desires were considered luxuries reserved for the wealthy, while we toiled endlessly to put food on the table. The tales passed down through the women in my family, especially on my mother's side, tell of lost loves and enduring hardships alone, without the support of the men in their lives.

My mother, a third-generation immigrant, lived on a family farm in upstate New York with her parents, grandmother, and brother. Life took a dark turn for her at a young age, marked by abuse, illness, and tragic losses within a short span of time. The burden of responsibilities fell heavily on her shoulders, turning her into a caregiver for her younger brother while her mother had to work to provide for the family. With the sale of the farm and a move to New Jersey, the past was sealed away, leaving unspoken traumas in its wake.

Later in life, my mother found love in my father, a man wounded by past betrayals and seeking validation outside of their relationship. As time passed, my mother, a sensitive and intuitive woman, began to suppress her emotions to fit the expectations of those around her. Meanwhile, my father coped through infidelity, echoing a cycle of pain and disconnection seen in previous generations of our family.

Reflecting on my mother's journey, I now see her as a beacon of love who struggled to maintain that connection amidst life's trials. Despite not fully understanding her pain for many years, I now appreciate her strength and resilience in the face of adversity. Her love for us, her children, was a source of joy and comfort in a life marked by hardship.

There was a time when my relationship with my mother was distant, strained by misunderstandings and unmet expectations. However, in hindsight, I see her actions through a lens of compassion and understanding, recognizing the wounds she carried from her own past. I recognize the enormous void that I had in my life from a non-present mother during her alcoholism, and my grandmother's passing when I was 19, who I affectionately call my lifeguard and who lived with us or nearby since birth. The women in my family continued the pattern of not connecting through presence and nurturing time, remaining focused on survival. I see how I, too, have followed that path in certain aspects with my children.

Through these reflections, I have come to believe in the importance of honoring the feminine energy within us and healing the deep mother wound that affects us individually and collectively. The mother wound impacts us deeply from early ages when our initial connections with love, acceptance, and protection are formed. This bond of safety carries with us throughout life, influencing many behavior patterns. I have witnessed these patterns clearly in many clients I have helped.

As we embark on this journey of self-love and restoration, let us not forget the nurturing presence of the mother within us all. It is through reconnecting with this essence of love and compassion that we can begin to heal ourselves, our lineage, and ultimately, the world around us.

Reconnecting within creates oneness, the very energy of the feminine and Woman. Deciding to choose ourselves unapologetically through self-care, love for our bodies, and attaining the very things and connections that light us up.

Let’s stop carrying and coddling the:
- Wounded Woman
- The Witch Wound
- The secret loves/mistress/mistake
- The Perfect Housewife
- The Midlife Wild Woman
- The Unloved Daughter

Let us start this process with a simple conversation.

Send me a message and share your story. When we can hold space for sharing and giving witness to what needs to be released, that is a reclaiming that shifts.